It’s not working

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Ever feeling like you’re doing “everything right” and it’s still not working?

We create to do lists for our acting goals.  Create strategies and plans.  We make check lists and mark the tasks off one by one.

And yet, despite all that work, nothing happens.

The results we set out to achieve aren’t manifesting.

Whatever we’re doing isn’t working.

What then?

boulderI was asked this question recently, and it put right back to those times in my life where I’ve felt that way too.  Like I’m pushing the boulder up the acting success mountain and it keeps pushing me back down to the bottom.

What do you do when you’re checking off all the to do boxes, and seemingly doing what you “should” do, only to find that you’re not moving forward?

After all, working harder is not always the answer.  There is only so hard one can work and so many hours in the day.  And if what you’re doing isn’t working, does it make logical sense to increase your output of what doesn’t work?


Take a break.

Let go of the results you’re trying to “make” happen.

Go inward.

The thing about goals is that it’s not really the goal we are after.  It’s the feelings we assume we will have once we have that goal.  Things like freedom, success, validation, joy.

Goals are vehicles that deliver a state of being that we seek.  Or at least, we assume the goal will be the vehicle.

In some cases, we are deeply disappointed to find that once we have the goal, we feel basically the same as we did before.

Which is why it’s so important to go inward.  To reconnect with your true self (and your true goals).

A state of being can be achieved right now, today, even without those precious goals.

In fact, most of us create incessant suffering for ourselves because we make the experience of the state of being contingent on the goal.

But you’ve seen people who seemingly have it all – money, fame, accolades, freedom, impressive careers, sex with beautiful people, entree to “the club” of global travel, special treatment, world class service, and pretty much anything they could ever want.  And sometimes those people implode.  They self destruct.  They sabotage every good opportunity they have and basically burn it all down and destroy themselves.

It’s not the stuff that makes a difference.  It’s not the dream role or A-list director or big trailer on the studio lot that ultimately matters.

inwardWhat matters is who you are as a person and how you show up in the world.  How you treat others and how you treat yourself.  What you appreciate and what you value.  And you have everything you could ever need to be filled with joy for a lifetime available to you this very minute – when you take time to go inward and connect to what really matters.

The trick is, the more you can call that feeling into your experience now (freedom, joy, gratitude, fun, success), the more you attract that feeling into your life unconsciously.  And yes, many times it is the achievement of your goals that delivers more of that feeling to you.

But if you pin all your hopes on and dreams on that one big goal, and expect that when you get that thing THEN you’ll be happy, fulfilled, self loving, or fill in the blank, the truth is, you’ll probably never get there.  Even if/when you get the thing, you’ll be on top of the world for about 10 minutes.  And then you’ll go back to being the real you, warts and all.

So take some time to meditate.  Do a free write.  Go quietly inward and remember who you really are and why you’re really hear.  When you can identify the feeling or state of being you have been chasing through your goals, make conscious effort to call that feeling into your life right now, with what and whom you have available to you.

Because you deserve all the happiness and joy one can possibly experience.  It’s just up to you to let that experience begin within you.

Leave a comment.  What state of being are you looking for?  What in your life already gives that feeling to you, and how can you make time for it this week?

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{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

Josephine July 16, 2014 at 11:52 pm

How very apt that you wrote this! It’s the lesson I just learned. I sat down a few days ago with a brad Yates video about attachment to need. And I reflected that everytime I REALLY want something, I push it further away. I had to sit back, tell myself I’m doing enough and allow stuff to come to me.


emily July 17, 2014 at 5:32 am

I love Brad Yates! Such a great resource he provides. Yes, you are enough, and you do enough. Receiving can be just as much of a challenge as trying to “do” but is a great skill to allow yourself to do.


wendy braun July 17, 2014 at 4:46 am


Such a great post! So spot on in every way–it’s all about the feeling, not the thing — and we can get there today. Love it! Congrats on all you do. ~Wendy


emily July 17, 2014 at 5:31 am

Thanks Wendy! Love what you do as well, and thank you for reading 🙂


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