It’s ok when things are not ok

by emily on January 26, 2015

Remember me?

It’s your old friend, Emily Grace here!

I’m sorry that I have been neglecting you these past few months.  I didn’t forget about you, and I’ve definitely thought about you often.

I fell off the radar the past few months, and I’m happy to be back.  I was going through a rough life patch, and to be honest, it sucked.  I’m through it now (yay), but it wasn’t pretty while it was happening.

I thought I would get through it lickety-split, because I meditate, and have a solid self awareness, and I’m (mostly) a good person, and I wanted to not be in a rough patch.  How quickly can we get this over with?  No thank you rough patch of dead, shit-brown dirt-grass.  I’ll take that greener grass over there.

Eat-Shit-Cake_smallBut that’s not what happened.  Without getting too personal with the details, it was months of things going
wrong.  Things were definitely not ok.  It was more like The Universe had ordered a special delivery from
The Bold Bakery
 just for me.  But the ingredients did not include cake.

And this is why I want to write you today (finally! It’s so good to talk to you!).

Sometimes everything sucks.  You’re not getting what you want, the plan has gone sideways, things that used to work DO NOT WORK ANYMORE, everything that could possibly go wrong, GOES WRONG.

And that’s ok!

Yes.  It’s ok when things are not ok.

It happens to everyone.

It may not be what you want to have happen.  But that doesn’t mean there’s something wrong.  You’re just being a human being going through life.

Pretending everything is fine doesn’t help.  It makes the process take even longer (I can personally attest to this x 1 million!!!!!).

I’m not advocating a litany of complaints or narcissistic victim-hood (“Ooooooohhhhhhh – look at what a hard time I’M going through. Isn’t it AWFUL?”).   But I am all for accepting where you are at and not trying to fight it.

Sometimes life hands you lemons and you make lemonade.

But sometimes life hands you a shit-cicle and there’s nothing pleasant you can make out of that.  Except maybe use it for fertilizer…I guess? That’s actually not a bad idea.

That’s not the point.

The point is, shit happens…and it ain’t pretty.

It’s part of life.  So if you happen to be going through a rough patch right now, here are some ways to deal with it that I was reminded of during my own shit storm:

Accept it

The more you try to resist the fact that things suck right now, the longer things are going to suck.  Trying to speed up the process takes a lot of energy, and doesn’t make a difference.  Don’t waste time wishing things didn’t suck.  Instead, change your perspective.  Is there something good you can find about the situation?  Is it bringing you an opportunity to step up to the plate?  To get more honest with yourself about what you value?  Maybe it’s pushing you to let go of something that is no longer serving you.

If there is absolutely nothing good about the situation (which is doubtful), find something good about your life to appreciate.  There are so many people in this world who have it much worse than you do, even when things suck.  Perspective is helpful to keep you from being too myopic.

The fact is, growth and change can be painful, but the benefits are worth going through the process.

Don’t isolate yourself

That just makes it worse.  Reach out to trusted friends who love you and let them know you’re not ok. They’ll be happy to help.  You just have to ask.  Isolation is a great way to delay dealing with your shit.  You don’t have to admit it, own up to it, or even acknowledge it when you’re alone.  The longer you delay dealing with it, the harder it’ll smack you down when that shit catches up!

Call a friend.  Call your mom.  Call me.  Just don’t go through it alone.

Don’t get drunk all the time

Hey, sometimes a melt down involves a night of heavy drinking…or six.  I get it.  But if you start getting drunk all the time to run from the pain, you just may be creating a far bigger shit storm in your life.   Alcoholism is no joke, so take it easy on getting loaded.

Be kind to yourself

When things are rough, be kind to yourself.  Don’t spend mental energy beating yourself up.  What you need is love and compassion.  Do nice things like eat well and get enough sleep.  Go for a walk to move your body.  Meditate, go to yoga, take a nap.  Regardless of what you might be going through at the moment, everything is going to be alright.  And so are you.

Trust

sunriseThe fact is, when you go through a hard time, you become stronger.  You learn more about who you are and what you’re made of.  You become more strongly connected to what matters to you, and let go of what doesn’t.  Trust the process.  It is always darkest before the dawn.  But dawn is a pretty beautiful time of day when it finally arrives.  It’s on the way!

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{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

Steph January 26, 2015 at 3:58 pm

Great article, Emily. A lot of people I know (including myself) have gone through some pretty shit-tastic times in their lives. As much as we know, deep down, all of this stuff ~ it makes a HUGE difference to have someone else say it & to read it when it’s written by someone else. It makes me feel not alone when the universe sends me a crap storm. Thanks. s’rsly 😛

Reply

emily January 26, 2015 at 6:02 pm

You’re welcome, lady! Ha ha ha “shit-tastic” is a great word!

Reply

David Mitchum Brown January 26, 2015 at 4:38 pm

I’m sorry to hear you’ve had one of those “rough patches” and glad to know you’re coming out of it. Darkness usually does turn to light, no matter how long the night seems when you’re in the middle of it.

Peace.

Reply

emily January 26, 2015 at 6:02 pm

Thanks, David!

Reply

Mimi January 29, 2015 at 1:41 am

Oh, Emily! I’m so sorry you had to wade through all that shit. You’ve been nothing but sweet and kind and helpful to all of us. An inspiration. The last thing you need is a lesson from the universe! (IMHO) Glad it’s over.
Mimi

Reply

emily January 29, 2015 at 2:19 am

Aww, thanks Mimi! There is always more to learn!

Reply

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