You have a flash of brilliance. A creative idea for a webseries, a bold career action to take, an important phone call to make, a scholarship opportunity. You inch your way closer and closer to the plate. Just as you are about to step up to it, something happens. Doubt flickers across your gaze. Second guessing happens. And then…the biggest dream killer known to man pays you a visit.
It’s called The Perfect Excuse.
Well I WAS going to sign up for that writing class to finally finish the film I’ve been talking about about for the last two years BUT…it’s just too expensive right now.
I WANTED to start that new exercise program BUT my best friend just broke up with her boyfriend and she really needed me to be there for her by eating the tub of ice cream.
Oh I THOUGHT ABOUT asking for an audition for that project because the director cast me in something else BUT I didn’t want to bother him or seem pushy, so I just didn’t.
One excuse at a time we put our lives on hold. We settle for less than what is in our heart. And then we make it ok with more excuses.
It wasn’t that important to me.
I can live with out it.
I probably couldn’t handle it.
It would’ve been too hard.
It’s better this way.
It’s bs. You know it and I know it. And yet we continue to find ways to create and accept the perfect excuse.
Why?
I’ll tell you why.
We are DESIGNED to do this. Every single human being on the planet, no matter how unfathomably successful they may be, is hard wired to make the perfect excuse.
I learned this from my first business mentor, and I’ll sum it up for you the best way that I can.
Our subconscious mind is there to help us survive. Back in the day, survival meant things like – watch out for that saber toothed tiger! It triggered our instincts, a fight or flight response to life or death situations.
These days, in our cushy modern world of convenience, we are are rarely (if ever) in a truly life or death situation. Yet the function of the subconscious has remained the same. The imminent danger no longer exists. So what has become the threat?
Success. Leaving the comfort zone. Changing things.
When you begin to get close to something that you truly want – a big audition, an important meeting, introducing yourself at a networking event, finishing your screenplay, it requires you to do things you wouldn’t normally do. It pushes you outside of your comfort zone. When that happens, the subconscious LITERALLY thinks you are GOING TO DIE. No joke.
“Dude, what are you doing? What the effing eff are you DOING? This is NOT cool, this is NOT ok, someone could really get hurt here. Let’s put the brakes on right now.”
And the subconscious mind is so crafty, so cunning, so truly manipulative, that it has us all figured out. No matter what goal or desire it is that may inspired you to step outside your comfort zone, the subconscious mind can match it with the perfect excuse.
It’s too expensive.
It’s not the right time.
But my family needs me.
What if I look stupid?
I’m going to wait until I (fill in the blank).
Once I get (fill in the blank) then I’ll go for what I actually want.
I could go on and on.
But here’s the thing. None of it matters. Even the perfect excuse is just an excuse.
Ready to ditch yours?
Here’s an incredibly powerful exercise I learned from one of my mentors. It’s deceptively simple, so don’t be fooled.
List a goal that you want. Something you TRULY want and are willing to do the work for, no matter what.
Take out a piece of paper. On one side write:
HOW I Can
On the other side write:
WHY I Can’t
Now write down all the possibilities that you can come up with for the “HOW I can” side of the paper. List everything that comes to mind. Do not censor yourself.
Every time you find yourself making an excuse about what you listed on the “How I can” side, flip the paper over, write down the excuse, then immediately CROSS IT OUT.
Once you have your entire “How I can” list complete, here’s the trick to making this work:
Take action on EVERY SINGLE IDEA you wrote down until you have either: gotten what you want, or gone through the whole list.
Most people will not complete the exercise. They will give up long before they complete the list.
What about you? When your head hits the pillow at night don’t you want to know you’ve done every single thing in your power to have what you want? Or would you rather go to sleep at night knowing that you sided with your excuse?
The choice is ALWAYS up to you.
Leave a comment. How do you overcome your excuses?
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{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }
Thank you for that exercise & blog. It certainly explains a lot. I am determined to follow through with everything on my list!
I refuse to.deal with ANY excuses. I only deal with REASONS.
ALSO, I make 2 columns. One positive and the other negative. I then cross out the negative that I.can deal.with/accept. This helps with my decision making.
Great Advice!! Completing the exercise as we speak! Thanks!!
Great advice, Emily! I literally just found myself in this situation this morning–making my list now!
For me, it always helps to break it off into little goals. I.e. I’m going to reach out to 5 companies per every week day–if and when I do this, I’ve spoke to 25 people by the end of the week! If I do this for a month then that’s 100. How great, right?!
Or for saving money for new headshots, if I saved X amount per week then I can get new headshots in X months.
Sometimes tasks seem larger than life, so breat it up!
I was offered a bigger part in the independent movie during the audition yesterday! Well, it was brought up yesterday but officially offered to me very early this morning and gee, wonder how I responded?! So I’m so excited to do this work on the character this week and nail it on set all of this weekend (it’s a short). YOU Miss Emily I want to thank for your ongoing brilliance and sharing your plethora of industry and inspirational knowledge! I already did your little subconscious exercise and that will work as well and you are so amazingly giving and wonderful may you receive ten-fold what you’ve given me!
WONDERFUL advise! Am making my list as we speak.
You are awesome, and gifted and giving, and I truly hope what goes around comes back to you in spades!
An endless stream of experts have weighed in on this subject and more will no doubt follow with more good intentioned advice. What I have found to be true is that people, including myself, always find the time and resources to do what they really want to do. I suspect that we come up with excuses often to delay the honesty of saying to ourselves that this is something that I actually don’t really want.
Great stuff! I always tell myself to focus on the 80/20 rule. Focus on 20% of the activity that gives you 80% of the outcome!
When i was most active in my career, before moving to LA, i had two mottos, “Just do it”(thank you Nike ad team), lol. , and Don’t think, just do! This worked for me when over-thinking or trying to decide if i wanted to do something that i know i should be doing. Thanks for the helpful info, as usual, making my list now!
Spot on – now I gotta get after it
Wow what great info , Elmily I like reading your blogs , so thank you for sending them I don’t know how you do it all , Anyway keep doing what is great reading
Cora Anne
Great advice! I already love lists and am a big fan of the pros and cons columns but this takes it to a whole new level. It also helps me to think through the possible outcomes. Positive: If I don’t submit for this role, I don’t get it. If I do submit for this role, endless possibilities, I could get it, they could like me for a different role, they could think of me in the future. Negative: if I don’t, I won’t get it! If I do submit, I might not get it and am out the postage price. Oh no!…
Don’t let fear make you stagnant. Onward and upward!