Do I HAVE to?

by emily on May 13, 2012

LA was an amazing trip. I was so sad to leave. I met some awesome new people, connected with old people (old friends), and had the pleasure of hosting a kick ass workshop with some pretty cool actors.

At the workshop (with the amazing Jenna Edwards, who stepped it up a notch with her wise words and strategies) we did what’s called a “hot seat.” Where each person was in the proverbial hot seat, stating in front of the group their specific goal(s), current obstacle(s) and what they needed help with.

Get in the hot seat!

I love me some hot seat action because it helps me get to the heart of what you’re struggling with – in your own words. Plus, what’s great about the in person work with a group is that the person in the hot seat not only gets a strategy from me, but the creative support, suggestions and resources of the whole group. I’ve got some good tools up my sleeve, but I certainly don’t know everything, and the hot seat format is a great way for everyone to be introduced to new contacts, tools, and connections.

(Can you believe I don’t actually know everything?  I know me neither, written with great sarcasm).

A recurring theme that came up at the workshop was the issue of choosing a goal because you think you “have to.” More than one actor had feature film goals. And yet they were told by other industry professionals, “You have to book tv credits first or they won’t look at you.” So the actors were putting their time, energy, money and effort into these tv goals. But it was exhausting. Not only was the tv stuff not happening, they were running out of steam.  These actors didn’t care all that much about booking tv work.  And it was distracting them from what they really wanted – to go for film work.

So the question is, do they really have to book tv credits before they can focus on their film goals?

Girlfriend, please.

If I want to get to San Francisco, why the eff would I program my gps for Florida?

In the entertainment industry, as in life, there is no “have to.”  There is no “one way” to get things done, and the truth of the matter is, no one has all the answers.  What works for one person isn’t guaranteed to work for you, and the worst piece of advice to be handed is “that’s just the way it’s done.”

If you know what you want, you should go directly for it. Don’t waste time taking the slow boat because someone else told you that you have to. You don’t HAVE to do anything. And you certainly don’t have to take on goals that belong to someone else. When we talked about this at the workshop, the relief in the room was palpable. There was a weight lifted, faces softened, and possibility returned.

You can go for what you want, and there is no one who knows better than you do what your path is meant to be. When you align with what your heart wants and take action on a persistent basis, the universe will bring you the connections, resources and open the doors you need to make it happen. I’m not saying it’s easy. I’m not saying there won’t be obstacles, challenges, set backs or disappointment.  Because there will be.

What I am saying is that when you follow your heart, you have the will and the tenacity to overcome these temporary road blocks.  When you take on a goal that was never yours to begin with and shit gets hard, you will lose the will to continue on that path.

It takes just as much energy to go after something you don’t really want as it does to go for what is in your heart. And when you’re listening to your heart, you tend to create a lot more magic just by virtue of taking acting in the direction that speaks to you. You can book film work without an agent. It’s really not that hard. Get on twitter, follow some indie filmmakers, build relationships with them and take note of when they’re casting. Boom. You’re in. Do you think an indie filmmaker gives a shit about your tv credits? They don’t.

Whatever your goals may be, don’t waste time on the scenic route.  Go direct. Follow your heart. Invest in what YOU want. Respectfully listen to the advice of others, and then choose according to what speaks to YOU. Just because someone tells you to do something, doesn’t mean that you have to. It’s your life, your dreams, and you are 100% responsible for your results.

There’s power in that if you accept the responsibility. The power to choose. The power to take action. The power to design the life YOU want the way you want it.  And that, my friends, is the only way to truly live.

Leave a comment.

Have you taken on a goal that doesn’t really belong to you?  What do you REALLY want to be doing?  Name one thing you can do (even if it scares you, even if you’re not sure you’re “allowed”) that can take you directly toward what you want.  Talk to me below.

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Do you want to act for a living?  FREE Webinar this week!

Learn the 7 key steps to Think Like A Producer, Act For a Living. It’s happening this week.  Not sure if you can make?  Be sure to sign up to get the replay.  Register right here.

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I suck at accountability

by emily on May 7, 2012

You would think that as a career consultant and coach, I’d be really great with my own time management, structure and accountability.  But you want in on a dirty little secret of mine?  When it’s just up to me, I actually suck at it.

This weekend I had all kinds of plans about how much work I was going to get done.  Oh yeah, baby, I piled that to-do list high!  And you want to know what I got done this weekend?  Absolutely nothing.  Not one thing on my to do list was accomplished.

I did a great job of procrastinating (thanks to a handy dandy bottle of wine, social media, and catching up on tons of tv).  I only left the house on Saturday to get a latte.  Other than that I was lying around.  On the couch, on the bed, on the bench.  Everytime I thought about sitting down to do my work, I had a sudden and desperate urge to do the dishes, or some similar, mundane life chore that could’ve been accomplished at any other time besides the present moment.

I imagine that you are like this too.  In fact, it is one of the top reasons that the coaching industry is thriving: people suck at accountability.

I suck at it (when it comes to my own life).  And you know what I’ve learned through my experience as both a coach and a human being?  The more you want something, the harder it is to take action.  The closer we get to what we want, the more we procrastinate and avoid it.  The harder we fight and struggle against taking action.

You would think that the more we want something, the harder we work to get it, but that would be far too logical.  And when there is something I want in my life, I guarantee you I am not thinking about it from a logical perspective.  Fear, anxiety and doubt are powerful forces.  They show up as resistance and procrastination.  And while it may feel more comfortable to slip into, “I don’t feel like it, ” “This is too hard,” “I’ll do it tomorrow,” I can assure you, it is a devious and manipulative trap that keeps you (and me, all of us) stuck.

If you haven’t already read it, there is an amazing book called “The War Of Art” by Steven Pressfield.  And if you have already read it, I’d suggest you make re-reading it a habit.  Either way, here’s a great quote from the book about the power of procrastination:

“The most pernicious aspect of procrastination is that it can become a habit.  We don’t just put off our lives today; we put them off till our deathbed.

Never forget: This very moment, we can change our lives.  There never was a moment, and never will be, when we are without the power to alter our destiny.  This second, we can turn the tables on Resistance.

This second, we can sit down and do our work.”

So here’s the thing.  When I am left to my own devices, I know I never work as hard or as efficiently as I could.  I put things off, make excuses, and am an artful procrastinator.  (Years I go I coined the term “procrasturbation,” which, I’m sure you can figure out what it means).

That’s why it is so important that I don’t leave myself to my own devices. I don’t want to, in Pressfield’s words, put my life off until my death bed.  It’s imperative to break free of procrastination.

Here are a few steps to doing it:

First is to create publicly known deadlines.  For example – I publish a new blog once a week (sometimes it’s Sunday, sometimes it’s Monday).  But the main reason I keep to that schedule is because I’ve declared it publicly.  I want to get it done because I know other people are expecting me to deliver.

Second is surrounding myself with other people who get shit done.  If you want to break out of bad habits, connect with people who have the kind of good habits you want.  My highly productive, happy, fit friends inspire me to get my shit together.  If they can do it, so can I.

Third is to work with a coach.  For the first 2 years of running my business I had high level personal mentors.  By high level I mean motherfucking expensive.  It pushed me to get results that I never would’ve demanded of myself if it were just up to me.  It would have been easy for me to give up when things were hard.  But because I was already committed to working with my coach, I HAD to find ways to keep going.  And I’m so glad I was on the hook not only with accountability, but the high price tag pushed me to hustle like I had never hustled before.  I never could’ve done it so quickly, creatively or efficiently on my own.

Fourth is to take time off.  This weekend I didn’t make time to just chillax.  And so I rebelled against my full to do list by doing lots and lots of nothing.  If I had just scheduled one day this weekend as a designated non-work day, I could’ve recharged without feeling bad about it, and been a lot more productive when I came back to work.

Fifth is awareness.  Bad habits have a way of sneaking back in when we stop paying attention.  I used to think one day I’d get to the point where I was just productive and happy, and it would be easy.  The truth is, choosing to be accountable and productive is an ongoing struggle, and that’s ok.  Just do what you need to do to put yourself on the hook.

Leave a comment.  I want to know how you overcome procrastination.  Resistance is pretty sneaky. What motivates you to stay accountable?  How do you keep yourself on the hook when your resistance creeps up?  Discuss below!

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LA Actors – Spend The Night With Me!

One Night Intensive THIS WEDNESDAY May 9

I’m hosting an intimate, one-night-only workshop in LA.  If you know you need to be doing something for your acting career, but you’re not exactly WHAT, then jump on this rare chance to work with me in person!

Join me and award-winning producer Jenna Edwards for an intimate, informative, and fun workshop.  Walk away with clarity on your acting goals and a step by step plan to make it happen.  Seats are incredibly limited, so don’t procrastinate! 

Plus, you get a crazy-good amazing price when you bring friends.

Get the details here.

 

 

{ 11 comments }

Make it happen

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Share My company was born out of the desire to live life on my own terms.  To inspire others to do the same.  And from the belief that as an actor, you don’t have to wait for things to happen to you.  You can make them happen for yourself. This is exactly what I teach [...]

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Stop F*cking Around

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Share Earlier this week I was on a client call in which the actor had a very clear and specific goal he wanted to achieve.  He even claimed it was his “top priority.”  But when I asked a few targeted questions, it was pretty clear that, while the goal might be the “top priority” in [...]

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Give Your Crappy Beliefs A Spring Cleaning

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Share I’ll be honest.  I’ve dated my share of losers.   I bet you have too.  I once had a long term relationship with a guy who moved in with me, then proceeded to be jobless for eight months.  He would sleep half the day away, wake and bake, then sit around playing shitty rock music [...]

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Cure Your Spaghetti Syndrome

April 2, 2012

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Congrats, you booked the job! Oh wait, you’re fired :(

March 26, 2012

Share There are three magic little words every actor longs to hear.  When strung together in a specific order to form a complete sentence, they elicit untold waves of joy, bliss, amazement, triumph, vindication, achievement, and recognition.  You know the ones: “You booked it!”   Upon hearing such an assuring phrase, the confidence skyrockets.  The [...]

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When the sh*t hits the fan

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Share In this age of entrepreneurship, small business owners (yes, that means YOU dear actor) must work harder than ever to build a strong reputation and foster trust with an audience.  Whether your audience be entertainment industry professionals, consumers of your web content, readers of your blog or social media channels, customers or clients of [...]

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Who have you been talking to?

March 12, 2012

Share The other day I saw this tweet on my twitter feed: “Before you self-diagnose with depression or low self-esteem make sure that you are not, in fact, surrounding yourself with assholes.” @ACTORSandCREW Whether you surround yourself with assholes or not, the people you spend the most time with have an enormous influence on your [...]

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