Last week an actor did one of those things that leaves a bad impression. It’s the type of action that that turns people off, but no one says anything about it.
Like when your breath stinks.
I don’t know about you, but I’m not in the habit of telling people they have bad breath. Unless I know them really well, or I kiss them on a regular basis, it’s way too awkward to bring up.
But that’s the worst thing about bad breath. You don’t know you have it unless someone tells you. If no one clues you in, you’re just leaving a bad impression all over the place. And everyone knows it (except for you).
It’s the same kind of situation with this bad actor behavior (meaning the behavior, not the acting, is bad). I see people doing it all the time. They end up making a really bad impression. And no one will tell them.
So what is this behavior, you may be wondering?
It’s the way some actors ask for things. For example:
“Is there a part in it for me?”
Someone asked my writing partner this very question last week. She was doing a q+a session about the power of social media, and used our current project as an example. We first connected via twitter, and thanks to the power of social media, we are developing a web series.
Which is pretty amazing, if you ask me.
And then some actor jumps in with, “is there a part in it for me?”
Duuuuuuuuude.
Seriously?
Major turn off.
Not because the question was asked. But because of the way the question was asked.
I’m not saying don’t ask for things. You should be asking for things. But there is an art to it. And if you get that part wrong, then no matter what the question might be, the answer will always be no.
So let’s talk about what’s wrong with this picture and what to do instead.
The way the original question was phrased says the following things:
- I’m really into me
- I’m focused on what I can get from you
- I don’t care about you
- I don’t have respect for your hard work
- I am a douche
All of that is communicated in just a few words.
That actor may not have said much, but his question spoke volumes.
So if you want to ask for things in a way that does not make you come off like a self-centered douche who just doesn’t get it (and might even earn a resounding “yes” to your question), here’s what you can do:
Focus on them (not you)
- You’re writing a web series? Congrats! What is it about?
Know who you’re talking to, and what is important to them
- I’m a fan of the writing on your blog, so I imagine your web series is going to be hilarious!
Offer something of value, something you can give
- Where are you at in your creative process? I know an amazing editor and would be happy to connect you.
- Are you doing a fundraising campaign? I would love to help you spread the word about it to everyone I know.
Earn the right to ask
- Do this by focusing on what’s in it for them, not what’s in it for you.
Above all, remember that the real value is in the long-term relationship, not the short term opportunity.
If you’re going to take the risk of asking for what you want, do it right. Be respectful. Create an exchange of value. Leave people with a good impression. Even if now isn’t the right time, they might be able to help you in the future.
Long term relationships are the key to success in this business. And they begin with how you treat other people. If you’re the guy who’s only out for yourself, I can guarantee you will be hard pressed to find people to help you.
The late, great Zig Ziglar puts it best with this quote:
“You will get all you want in life, if you help enough other people get what they want.”
One of the biggest pieces of advice I give to my clients is to stop focusing on short term opportunities, and start focusing on building relationships with the people you want to work with. The art of the ask is a key component to that process.
There’s a lot more to cover, so if you want to keep going with the topic, join me for next week’s free webinar. It’s called Auditions to Offers: It’s easier than you think! I’ll be giving you a full hour of long-term relationship building strategies to help you get where you want to go. Click here to join (it’s free).
Don’t be afraid to ask for what you want. Just go about it in a way that entices people to open the door for you, not slam it in your face.
I think you’ll be much happier with the results.
(Also, please floss. Thanks.)
Leave a comment. What do you focus on when you ask for things? What have you found works for you? What stops you from asking for things? Sound off below!
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